


Miss the Misery

by stars28



Category: All Time Low (Band)
Genre: Crossdressing, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-11
Updated: 2018-05-11
Packaged: 2019-05-05 09:39:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 7,490
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14615514
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/stars28/pseuds/stars28
Summary: "Need a reason for a changeNeed a reason to explainSo turn it on again…”- Miss The Misery, Foo Fighters.It's only a matter of time before his two sides collide, with life-altering consquences for Jack. And Alex.





	1. Part One: Ruby, Don't Take Your Love To Town.

_“You've painted up your lips and rolled and curled your tinted hair,_  
_Ruby are you contemplating going out somewhere?”_  
**\- Ruby, Don’t Take Your Love To Town, The Killers.**

* * *

Josephine always love the preparation she did before she went out. The curling of her hair, the ritual of putting her make-up on in the mirror, and – her favourite part – sliding the dress she had chosen on and over her body. It made her feel special.  
  
She stepped into her beloved silver heels. They were low, compared to some other pairs she owned, but they were the one she had chosen for tonight. She thought they went well with her elected dress; a purple dress that had silver sparkle on the bodice and down the sides to the hem.  
  
After tightening them, Josephine checked her make-up in the hall mirror, picked up her clutch from the table under the mirror, shrugged on her coat – it was cold outside – and left her apartment. 

* * *

Upon entering the club, she immediately made her way to the bar, sliding gracefully past the people in the room. When she got there, she ordered an Apple Martini and settled down to people-watch.

  
Josephine watched, sipping at her drink, as her fellow bar patrons got steadily drunker as the night wore on. Really, she was pleasantly surprised that no one had tried to hit on her. But, of course that illusion couldn’t last for long.  
  
“Hey honey.” A voice said.  
  
She turned and froze. It was Alex. This was bad, very bad. She cursed mentally and forced herself to relax, because she did _not_ want Alex to know who she also was.  
  
“Hello.” She said calmly, not showing the pure panic that was coursing through her head.  
  
“Can I buy you a drink?” He asked, smirking just a bit from under his beanie.  
  
On a whim, she decided to let him buy her one drink and then she would go. Because this was _Alex_ and there was no way she could turn him down. She’d seen the pained expression on his face up close too many times. No, she couldn’t turn him down.  
  
“Sure you can. I’m drinking Apple Martinis,” She said, smiling a little, “But first what’s your name?”  
  
“Mine’s Alex,” He grinned toothily before ordering the requested drink, “And now that you know mine, I’d like to know yours.”  
  
As the bartender came back with her drink, Josephine smiled prettily and took it, taking a sip.  
  
“I’m afraid, I can’t give such information out to people like you.” She said.  
  
“People like me?” Alex questioned, an eyebrow rising in curiosity.  
  
“Yes,” She took another sip. These club really did do the best drinks in Baltimore, but now wasn’t the time to think about that, she had to answer a curious Alex. “Guys who just want a good night.”  
  
“Now, I take offence. I’m not looking for a _good night_ ,” The emphasis on the last two words told Josephine that Alex knew exactly what she was talking about. “All I’m looking for is a pretty face to talk to.”  
  
Resisting the urge to raise one of her thick black eyebrows in disbelief, as that would undoubtedly give the game away, she said, “Now, why don’t I believe you?”  
  
“Because you know it’s true, and that’s making you doubt it.”  
  
Josephine tilted her head to one side, taking note of the way Alex’s eyes focused on her neck before replying with, “Now that isn’t true.”  
  
She took a long delicious sip of her Apple Martini, taking simple pleasure in the way that it slipped down the throat, and watched again as Alex’s eyes were drawn to it. In a few minutes, she finished the drink.  
  
She addressed the confused looking Alex and said, “Well, this has been fun, but you better find another girl if you want a _good night_ .”  
  
And with those last words, Josephine walked elegantly out of the club, leaving a star-struck Alex sitting on his own, his mouth open wide in shock.  


* * *

“H-hello?” Jack said into his phone. It had been ringing incessantly for the past ten minutes. At first, he’d thought that if he ignored it, the ringing would stop. Apparently not.

  
“Jack! Let me in dude!”  
  
He sat up in bed. It was Alex. He couldn’t come in, not yet anyway. He hadn’t tidied up from last night. There was still a pair of silver heels by the door, and Jack didn’t even want to think about what Alex’s reaction would be if he found the dress on his bedroom floor. Or the make-up. Or the wig. Or the _bra_ .  
  
“S-sure. Give me a sec Alex.” Jack said, getting out of bed and pulling a random t-shirt on.  
  
“Ok.” And then Alex hung up.  
  
Jack tried not to panic because Alex would notice straight away, but he couldn’t help the little tinge of it sweep around his body as he shoved the dress he’d worn last night under the bed. It would crease it, but Jack could worry about that later. What he had to concentrate on was that Alex was outside and evidence of Josephine was scattered across his apartment. Shit.  
  
As quickly as humanely possible, he went through his room, hiding the make-up, along with the bra, in a drawer. The wig was put hastily on its model and hidden in his closet. Jack heard Alex bang on the door, and cursed out loud. The heels were by the door. This would take a lot of deception, and while he didn’t normally like lying to his best friend, this was one of the things that _no one_ knew about him. And he wouldn’t let one tiny slip up give him away.  
  
Just before he went into the hall, Jack took a deep breath and put on a smile for Alex, who was waiting. He went to the door, and as he pushed the heels under the table with one foot, Jack opened the door, greeting Alex as he did so.  
  
“Jack! What took you so long?” Alex asked as he went past Jack, heading instinctively towards the kitchen.  
  
“Couldn’t be bothered to get out of bed,” Jack lied, hating himself for having to do so, “Why are you here?”  
  
“Cause I met the most amazing girl last night!” His best friend replied, back turned as he looked in the cupboard, “You have to meet her!”  
  
Jack knew without a doubt that, if he went out with Alex, then they wouldn’t see the girl Alex was talking about. After all, Josephine was just a different side to him.  
  
Sitting down on the chair after putting the kettle on, Jack said, “D’you even know her name?”  
  
He laughed as Alex paused in searching through the cupboards. Typical Alex, gets infatuated with a girl and doesn’t even know her name. But then Jack had refused to give a name, as he knew it would be hard for him to remember. Maybe next time he would tell Alex her name was Josephine. Maybe.  
  
“N-no,” Alex sighed, admitting defeat with Jack’s shelves, there was nothing on them, “But there’s always next time right?”  
  
“Yeah Alex, there is.”  
  
“On another note, we are going shopping. There is no food in this kitchen! You’re meant to feed your guests Jack!” Alex said, pulling Jack out of the kitchen, barely giving him time to grab his keys and phone, and out of his apartment towards the shops. Jack needed some food. 

* * *

That night, Jack went out with Alex to the same club he’d been in yesterday. They were supposedly looking for the girl Alex had talked to, but Jack knew that, unless he went back to his apartment and changed, Alex wouldn’t be seeing Josephine.

  
“Hey Jack,” Alex said from next to him, nudging him with one shoulder, “I can’t see her.”  
  
“Really?” Jack replied, taking a sip of his beer.  
  
Alex nodded, and _fuck_ , Jack thought the way Alex’s hair shone in the dim light of the club was beautiful. Honestly, Jack couldn’t think of anything better than his best friend smiling.  
  
After another twenty minutes of sitting there and drinking their beers, Jack’s best friend finally gave up on trying to see the girl and left the place with Jack. By this point, they were fairly drunk, still able to walk in a straight line, but unable to stop thoughts from flowing freely from their minds to their mouth and out of them.  
  
“Jack…” Alex said, stumbling along the sidewalk.  
  
“Y-yeah?”  
  
“Where were you t-two days ago? I wanted to go out with you.”  
  
Jack realised that he would have to lie and that it would have to be believable because, even when Alex was drunk, as he was now, he could call Jack out on bullshit.  
  
“I was in my apartment, watching TV.”  
  
“Boring!” Alex proclaimed, spinning in a circle before falling over his own feet.  
  
Jack helped his best friend up and began to help him walk – stumble – back to his apartment. He was glad that he’d tided up beforehand because he didn’t think Alex, even if he was drunk, would fail to notice a bra and a dress on the floor of his bedroom. Though Jack thought that Alex might just brush it off as something a one night stand had left behind. Except even Alex would question why the ‘girl’ had left without her dress. 

* * *

Josephine smiled around her glass. Alex was back. She would enjoy talking to him again. She’d decided on the way here, after putting on a green dress and matching heels, that if she saw Alex and he talked to her, she would tell him her name. At the last possible moment. Because that was always fun, to see the look of excitement on his face swiftly followed by disappointment as she walked away. It made her life interesting.

  
“Hello.” He said as he sat on the bar stool next to Josephine.  
  
She smiled, “Hello Alex.”  
  
She didn’t miss the slow glance Alex gave her, going up and down, pausing on her hips and breasts. She smiled alluringly, enjoying the attention.  
  
It was quiet between the two in the bustle of the bar before Alex spoke.  
  
“You know,” He said, “I came here with my friend to see if I could find you, but we couldn’t.”  
  
“Friend?” Josephine replied, already knowing that it was Jack, but wanting to make conversation with Alex.  
  
“Yeah, Jack. He came with me and when we couldn’t find you, we just got drunk instead.”  
  
She laughed, “Oh yeah?”  
  
Alex nodded, taking a sip of his beer, “Yeah. Can’t really remember much of that night.”  
  
They continued to drink – Josephine was drinking her usual Apple Martini and Alex was drinking his pint of beer – as the night wore on, time steadily sliding by. At half past eleven, Josephine chose to go home. As she got up, Alex also stood up.  
  
“You’re going?” He said, putting his empty glass on the wooden bar.  
  
“Yes I am.” Josephine said, smiling and beginning to walk towards the door.  
  
She felt a hand on his wrist and turned around.  
  
Alex raised an eyebrow, saying, “You still haven’t told me your name.  
  
Josephine smiled, raising a hand and tracing it along Alex’s jawline, “The name’s Josephine darling.”  


* * *

“You know that girl we went looking for the other night?”

  
Jack blinked slowly, taking in the sight of his best friend sitting opposite him. They were drinking coffee – much-needed in Jack’s case – in a coffee shop near Alex’s house, discussing Alex’s encounter with Josephine the previous night.  
  
“Yeah Alex?”  
  
“She told me her name!” Alex exclaimed, almost spilling his cup of coffee in his excitement.  
  
Jack chuckled at the excitement in Alex’s brown eyes, “And what is it?”  
  
“Oh yeah! I forgot to tell you that!” Alex said, “Josephine. Don’t you think it’s a great name?”  
  
“Er…yeah. I guess so.”  
  
_Why didn’t Alex think Jack was a great name?_ He thought with an amount of ferocity it surprised him. _(Now why did he think that?)_


	2. Part Two: Jet Pack Blues.

_“Did you ever love her? Do you know?_  
_Or did you never want to be alone?_  
  
_Fight off the light tonight and just stay with me_  
_Honey, don’t you leave…”_  
**\- Jet Pack Blues, Fall Out Boy.**

* * *

Alex was in the bar again, without Jack this time. His reasoning for this was that for some reason Josephine – he _still_ couldn’t believe that she’d told him her name – only came when Jack wasn’t with him.  
  
Slowly, as he took a sip of his beer, Alex scanned the crowds for Josephine, looking for her distinctive long black hair. He didn’t have much luck; the flashing lights threw everybody’s hair into a craze of colours. He sighed heavily before downing his drink, he would have to brave the dancefloor.  
  
He didn’t like dancefloors as there tended to be too many people crowded into too little space, and there was always that one guy who didn’t understand the meaning of deodorant. And that _one_ dude always ended up pressed against Alex. He didn’t know why it happened, it just did.  
  
Getting off his stool next to the bar, he began to make his way across the floor, through the crowd. He flinched several times because of the amount of hands that grabbed onto his waist and hips.  
  
Just as he was escaping towards the bar again, Alex got twisted around by hands on his waist.  
  
He was about to say something like, _“Fuck off”_ , but then realised that it was Josephine.  
  
She smiled at him and then leant over to whisper in Alex’s ear, her hot breath ghosting over his ear, “Come and dance Alex,” as she gripped his hand tightly.  
  
And who was Alex to decline such a request from a pretty, _pretty_ woman?  
  
He followed Josephine, his hand held by her, to the dance floor, uncaring of the rest of the people on there. He was only focused on the way Josephine’s hair shone in the bright lights and the way her hips swayed enticingly.

* * *

Jack opened his eyes slowly, letting them adjust to the light filtering in from the window. He yawned and stretched his arms over his head. Then he climbed out of bed and noticed that he had a massive headache, which was probably down to the Apple Martinis Alex had been buying him after they’d danced. He could feel his head complaining at the light so he shut the curtains, the bedroom going blissfully dark.

  
Why the hell did he dance with Alex yesterday? Jack thought that he’d convinced himself that doing anything more than talking to Alex was risky. But apparently, in his alcohol-fuelled mind, dancing with Alex, being pushed together by the crowd, had been a _good_ idea.  
  
He wanted to hit himself. What if Alex – his best friend – noticed that Josephine danced like him? With this one mistake, Jack felt like he’d blown his cover, that Alex would start banging on his front door, demanding to know why Jack dressed up as a woman in his spare time.  
  
The nausea in his stomach had nothing to do with his slight hangover. Fuck, he’d screwed up badly. There was no way he could recover from this.  
  
Jack wouldn’t have a best friend that he kind of loved anymore. Instead, he would just have the fucking bittersweet memories.  
  
But he couldn’t deny that it had felt good to have Alex pressed against his back as they danced. It made him want to dance with him normally, dressed as Jack. But he knew that would never happen; it was Josephine Alex liked, not Jack.

* * *

Josephine took her time getting ready to go out. She wanted to look absolutely stunning. First, she had a long, hot shower and then dried herself off, putting her underwear on once she was completely dry.

  
When she reached her bedroom, Josephine opened the wardrobe and contemplated the dresses that were hung up inside next to Jack’s shirts and jackets. She could choose the purple dress she’d been wearing when Alex first hit on her, or she could choose the green dress she wore last time she went out.  
  
She pursed her lips, she didn’t want to wear one Alex had already seen. Never mind that it had been dark in the club where she and Alex had met, meaning it was highly unlikely that Alex had noticed the dress she’d been wearing.  
  
Her eyes fixed on a deep red dress that was in between the other two and she bit her lip. Josephine had never worn it, though she had brought it over six months ago. Maybe tonight was the right time?  
  
_Fuck it,_ she thought, picking the dress up and taking it off the hanger. After she had put the hanger back in the wardrobe, Josephine slid the dress over her head and admired the dress in the mirror next to her wardrobe. The way it hugged her and draped over her legs was perfect.  
  
She smiled, she could remember why she brought the dress. It made her legs look fantastic.  
  
Josephine checked the time and decided that it was time to leave for the bar.

* * *

Alex was at the club again. This time he was waiting for Josephine. They had arranged to meet for once, instead of chancing upon one another. He adjusted his grey beanie as he scanned the bar for Josephine.

  
“Hey Alex.”  
  
He turned to his right to find the woman he’d been waiting for.  
  
“Hello Josephine.” He replied, “Can I buy you a drink?”  
  
“Sure.”  
  
“Apple Martini as usual?”  
  
Alex was sure that it said something that he now knew the woman’s drink orders, but he refused to look deeper into it. Not when the woman in question was looking at him with those wide brown eyes of hers as she nodded.  
  
As he ordered their drinks, he wondered why those eyes seemed so familiar.

* * *

Jack gulped as Alex sat next to him. He had decided to tell Alex the truth about Josephine. The thought had originally floated into his mind that morning, as he got out of bed, and now here he was, about to spill his guts to the person who meant the fucking _world_ to him. All he could do was hope that Alex didn’t take it the wrong way.  
  
“Jack, you look like you’re worrying about something.”  
  
Twisting his hands under the table, Jack said, “I’ve – I’ve been lying to you Alex.”  
  
A frown appeared in his best friend’s face, “About what?”  
  
He took a deep breath and then said, “I’m Josephine, and I didn’t tell you ‘cause I thought you’d freak out.” Jack paused before deciding not to say what he had been originally going to confess as well, watching as Alex’s face went from normal to disgust.  
  
_“You’re Josephine?! A woman? Fucking hell!”_  
  
Jack watched helplessly as Alex stood up and left the coffee shop. Immediately, he was glad that he hadn’t told Alex that he loved him because if this is how his best friend responded to knowing Jack’s well-kept secret, then he didn’t want to know how much Alex would reject him if he had told him that he was _in love_ with the elder.


	3. Part Three: Trophy Eyes.

_"Trophy eyes_  
 _You've now been mine_  
 _For longer than I'd like_  
 _You shine so bright_  
 _Behind those lies_  
 _And I need you more this time..."_  
**\- Trophy Eyes, You Me At Six.**

* * *

It had been five weeks since Jack had told Alex his secret, and he hadn't seen the elder since. It was breaking his heart, but he didn't think it was visible. Or, at least, he hoped it wasn't, because he didn't want people's fucking sympathy. Like that was going to get Alex back. It wasn't and Jack knew that.  
  
But that probably wasn't a problem if Jack hadn't left his apartment much except to get groceries and beer. He wasn't going to lie; he had spent most of his waking hours drunk. It seemed to dull the heartbreak, even if it was only for a while until he woke up with a hangover the next day. For that, he was grateful.  
  
He stood up from the couch slowly, and made his way to the kitchen. He was feeling vaguely hungry for once. He guessed that was one of the downsides to drinking a stupid amount of alcohol - the emptiness it leaves behind. But Jack couldn't be entirely sure as to whether the emptiness was truly down to the alcohol; his heartbreak had to have a part in it as well.  
  
Jack looked in the fridge. There was a bunch of things, but he couldn't get his head together long enough to figure out how to make them into a proper meal so he just grabbed an apple. As he bit into the green apple, he went back to the living room and flopped back on the couch.  
  
He knew he needed to get himself out of this funk, but he just couldn't will up the energy to do so. It was much easier to lounge around in his sweatpants and drink beer, while defiantly _not_ thinking about Alex. Doing that made Jack's heart hurt. 

* * *

In all honesty, after thinking long and hard about how he'd reacted to Jack's secret, Alex thought that he could've handled it better. In other words, he could've said something less offensive to the man - _his fucking best friend_ \- that had (obviously, now that he'd thought about it) bared his soul out to him. He'd seen it in Jack's eyes that there'd been something else that he'd wanted to say, but he hadn't. He must have decided not to say it when he'd seen Alex's shitty reaction. And Alex couldn't blame him; he'd been a dick to Jack.

  
In short, Alex felt like an asshole. And he knew he needed to do something about it.  
  
But the question was what? He knew he needed to do something that demonstrated that he was _ok_ with Jack's...tendencies.  
  
Alex sat up in his chair. He'd had a brain wave. That was it! He could buy Jack/Josephine a new dress.  
  
On his way to the mall, Alex realised that he had no idea about Josephine's size. He hoped that he could guess. If it didn't fit, he reasoned, Jack could bring it back.  
  
Fuck, he hoped that he was doing the right thing. 

* * *

Jack was laid on his couch, watching the shit that passed for TV shows, when he heard a knock at the door. He got up and went to it, putting his can of beer on the table underneath the mirror on the wall. He opened the door.

  
"Jack."  
  
It was Alex and Jack suddenly felt as though his heart had stopped beating for a moment before restarting. Alex looked as good as usual, brown hair peeking out from under his black beanie and his equally brown eyes looking at Jack in earnest.  
  
"Hey Alex," He said because what else do you say to the person that rejected your best kept secret ever? "What are you doing here?"  
  
Alex looked at the floor and held a shopping bag out for him, saying nervously, "Just - just don't open it 'til I'm gone okay? Promise me?"  
  
Jack was confused as he took the bag and replied, "I promise Alex."  
  
Jack's best friend then turned around and walked down the hallway, going around the corner towards the lift.  
  
Jack's eyebrows furrowed in confusion as he looked down at the bag. He shut the door and leant against it, opening the bag with trembling fingers. He was irrationally nervous, after all, what could Alex do to crush him even more?  
  
His mouth dropped open in surprise as his hand brushed against some really soft fabric. Grasping the object (he thought that it felt like a t-shirt, but he couldn't be sure), Jack pulled it out.  
  
"Fuck Alex..." He murmured in amazement, stroking a finger along the deep blue fabric. It was a truly beautiful dress, with sparkle across the middle.  
  
Jack could feel the urge to put it on and gave into it, walking into the bedroom.

* * *

Josephine twirled in a circle, adoring the way her new dress flared out and showed off the silver, sparkly heels off.

She _had_ to thank Alex for the dress; it was lovely. Possibly the nicest dress she'd ever had the pleasure of wearing.  
  
She spun again and, watching as the light played across the sparkles, re-said that last sentence again. _Defiantly_ the nicest dress she'd ever worn.  
  
With a sigh at having to cover the beautiful dress up, Josephine put her coat on and picked her small, dark blue clutch up.  
  
Going outside into the bitterly cold air, she left her apartment, heels clicking on the tiled floor of the hallway, hoping to find Alex at 'their' bar. 

* * *

Alex was at the bar, sipping on his beer and half-wishing that Josephine would turn up while also hoping that she didn't and was Jack who would come instead. He felt like he needed to have a serious conversation with his best friend, but he guessed Josephine was Jack and Jack was Josephine, so it didn't really matter _who_ came to the bar. Though, of course, there was always the option of his best friend has decided to stay at home, but Alex hoped that he hadn't chosen to do that.

  
"Hey Alex," A voice said into his ear, breath whispering over Alex's ear, "Fancy meeting you here, eh?"  
  
Alex turned around and there was Josephine. It was undoubtably her, with the shoulder-length black hair and dark blue dress that he recognised because he was the one who brought it for her.  
  
He replied with a smile, "Hey Josephine."  
  
Alex had been secretly hoping for Jack, but he figured if he'd given him a (fucking beautiful) dress, then it made sense that he would wear it.  
  
"Buy me my usual?" Josephine said, sitting down on the bar stool next to Alex.  
  
"Sure, I want another one anyway." Alex said to Jack - _Josephine_ \- and then waved the bartender over. He came over and Alex ordered her drink for her, smiling at her when she got it.  
  
"Thanks." She said, smiling back at him.  
  
Alex took a sip of his beer, hiding how pleased he felt at the attention she was giving him as they chatted long into the night. 

* * *

Jack yawned, stretching his arms out and hitting something warm and living. He froze. Who the fuck was that?

He risked a glance sideways and stared, heart rate increasing dramatically.  
  
Alex.  
  
Alex, his best fucking friend _Alex_ , was lying next to him. In his goddamn bed. Shit.  
  
Fuck, what the _hell_ happened last night? He wondered silently, easing himself out from under the duvet and leaving his room. He shut the door as quietly as he possible could and went down to the kitchen, intent on making himself much-needed mug of coffee before Alex woke up.  
  
He leant against the kitchen door, breathing steadily, and started across the room, grabbing a mug that said _"FUCK"_ on the side from the cupboard next to the oven. Jack boiled the kettle and put some coffee in his mug with a spoon, leaving the spoon in there for stirring in a minute or two. He was going to retrieve the milk from the fridge when the kitchen door crept open, revealing Alex, his brown hair in a mess from sleep.  
  
Alex stifled a yawn with his fist and then said, "Morning Jack."  
  
"M-morning," Jack replied, picking the milk out of the fridge and going back to his mug on the counter, "D'you want some coffee?"  
  
Alex shrugged and said, "Sure whatever."  
  
Jack smiled and got another mug from the cupboard, this one saying _"COFFEE NOW!"_ .  
  
"Jack, where do you get these mugs?" Alex asked a few minutes later, when the kettle had boiled and they've both got a mug of hot, black coffee in their hands.  
  
"I dunno?" Jack said, leaning back against his hands on the counter, "I just buy them from random shops."  
  
"Yeah?"  
  
Jack nodded, loving this easy conversation. It was almost like he could forget the burning love he had for the elder, but of course he couldn't. Not completely anyway.  
  
He said, smiling at his own thoughts, "What you up to today Alex?"  
  
Alex took a sip of his coffee, replying, "Well, I _was_ gonna come over here but obviously I'm already here, so d'you wanna watch a movie?"  
  
"Yeah sure," Jack said, beginning to walk to the kitchen door and then pausing, turning back, "Unless you want so something to eat?"  
  
Alex made a face, "Fuck no, there's nothing I want less than food right now. Maybe later."  
  
Jack laughed, "Ok then."  
  
Jack followed Alex to the living room, absently watching Alex's ass as he walked. He blinked himself out of the trance he'd got into as Alex sat down and patted the space next to him. Jack say down carefully, making sure that he wasn't touching Alex at all. He heard Alex laugh softly and then Alex was pulling Jack's legs across his own lap, warm hands fixing around his ankles to do so.  
  
Jack gulped, his heart beating loudly in his ears. He'd guessed that now that Alex knew his secret (the one about Josephine, not the one about Jack loving Alex with all his heart and soul) that these lazy days would stop, as Alex would be too creeped out by him dressing as a woman every so often. He'd resigned himself to it, telling himself that it was for the best and that it didn't mean anything. But it appeared that the lazy days, where they sat around at either one of their houses, watching films and drinking beer, wouldn't stop, instead they would continue, much as they had done since before Alex knew Jack's secret.  
  
" _Batman_ or _The Avengers?_ " Alex asked, shaking Jack out of his deep thoughts.  
  
"Uh... The Avengers." Jack decided, looking at the TV and watching as Alex used the remote to put the film on.  
  
As the beginning started onscreen and Alex relaxed, Jack decided to risk snuggling into the man next to him a little bit. Alex's response was to make a contented noise at the back of his throat and put an arm around him, pulling Jack snugly into his side.

* * *

"Jack?" Alex called into the hallway. He was sure that he'd heard the door click open and then shut, and Jack was the only one who had a key to his place.

"Hey," Jack said, appearing from around a corner, smiling as he came into Alex's line of vision, "I wanna tell you something. But..."  
  
Alex cocked his head to one side. What could Jack have to tell him now? He'd already been told about Josephine, and while that'd had a rocky start seven weeks ago, Alex now accepted it as a part of his best friend.  
  
"Yeah Jack?" He said gently to the visibly nervous Jack, trying to comfort him with words because Jack wasn't looking at him.  
  
Jack gulped and then said almost in a whisper, "I don't know if you'll accept it."  
  
Alex stood up from his chair and went over to Jack, putting two fingers under the younger's chin and pulling up so Jack was looking at him rather than the laminated flooring. He smiled, saying in a low voice, "Whatever it is, I'll be fine with it."  
  
"P-promise?"  
  
"I promise." Alex said solemnly, silently thinking that it had been a while since he'd seen Jack this nervous and, if he wasn't mistaken, terrified.  
  
"Ok," Jack said before taking a deep breath, "I like you Alex."  
  
Alex smiled, "I like you as well, you're my best friend."  
  
Alex's best friend groaned like he wanted to hit his head against the nearest wall, "No, not like that. As in I fucking _love_ you Alex, and there's fuck all I can do about it!"  
  
Well, Alex hadn't been expecting _that_ . Of all the things that had sprung to his mind when Jack said he had to tell him something, he hadn't thought of that. But he should save the shock for later because it looked like Jack was about to pass out or something.  
  
"Jack..."  
  
"Yes?"  
  
And fuck, there was so much hope in the younger man's deep brown eyes, Alex couldn't find it in him to say that he didn't love him back. Instead he said the worst possible thing.  
  
"I love you too."  
  
Alex had said it. He'd said that he loved Jack when he really, really didn't. As a best friend, undoubtably yes, but as a _lover_ ? No. He felt sick. He couldn't believe he'd just done that.  
  
Why had he done it? Alex asked himself as Jack pulled him into a hug. Jack's arms felt warm against the shockingly cold of Alex's insides, it was like he'd been plunged into a cold pond in the middle of winter.  
  
He knew he needed to come clean to Jack and quickly, but the look of pure happiness on Jack's face when he pulled away from the hug stopped him.

* * *

It had been twelve weeks since Jack had told Alex that he was Josephine and roughly five weeks since he'd told the elder that he loved him. And Jack couldn't be happier; Alex loved him!

"Alex? Where are you?" He called into the living room.  
  
"In here!"  
  
Jack followed the sound of Alex's voice into the kitchen, where he found Alex face down on the wooden table, his shoulders shaking.  
  
"Alex, what's wrong?" He asked, concerned.  
  
Alex looked up and said bluntly, "Me. I'm what's wrong."  
  
"Oh Alex, you're not, I promise you." Jack said, moving forward to comfort him.  
  
Alex pushed his arms away as he said, "Yes, I am. I said that I loved you when I don't."  
  
"You - you don't love me?" Jack repeated in shock.  
  
Alex shook his head, "No. And I am truly sorry for making you think that I did, even if it was only for five weeks. I know I shouldn't have said it, but you looked so damn _happy_ and _hopeful_ that I couldn't say the truth then."  
  
Tears began to roll down Jack's face. He sniffed, mumbling, "You should've just told me! It would have hurt less you jackass!"  
  
Jack saw through blurry vision obscured by his tears that Alex was standing to leave. He yelled, "Just go Alex!"  
  
Alex cleared out of the room quickly, feeling unsure that they would ever be able to be friends again. He thought it was unlikely that Jack would ever forgive him. And to be honest, Alex though he deserved that, when all he'd done for five weeks was play into the illusion that he loved Jack as more than a best friend.  
  
When Alex had gone, Jack collapsed onto the floor of his kitchen and cried. He didn't think he'd ever recover from the heartbreak that he was feeling right then. He thought they were doing great, that Alex loved him like he loved Alex, but that wasn't the case.  
  
Why couldn't he just be happy for once?


	4. Part Four: One Year, Six Months.

_"So I will not forget. I will not forget_  
_How this felt one year six months ago_  
_I know I cannot forget. I cannot forget..."_  
**\- One Year, Six Months, Yellowcard.**

* * *

The first six months after Alex had broken his heart completely were the hardest for Jack. After all, he'd thought that they were getting along well, with little kisses here and there and sweet make out sessions when neither of them had anywhere to be or anyone to see. It had been, in a word, perfect. But then Alex told him that he didn't love him like Jack loved him. And that, that was hard. For six months, everything Jack did reminded him of the elder man. Just going to the shops was almost impossible, as it reminded Jack of the time they'd made out in the aisles, coming out breathless and red-faced. But somehow he managed, even if that way of 'managing' involved drinking copious amounts of alcohol, as he'd done the time when Alex had found out about Josephine. Well, it hasn't been him finding out, it'd been more of Jack deciding that he'd had enough of lying to his best friend and telling him.  
  
But that was besides the point. The point was that Jack was drinking lots of alcohol again. He liked Jack Daniels the most, just because of the irony. It made him chuckle, something he didn't do a lot of since Alex had gone. The other thing he liked about it was the way it slowed his thoughts, so he didn't have to think about Alex all the fucking time.

* * *

Six months on from him telling Jack that he simply didn't love him like he wanted him to, Alex was feeling like shit. Again. Except this was worse than last time and he seriously doubted that him and Jack would ever be able to be friends again, yet alone _best friends_ . He couldn't say he blamed Jack either, because it was entirely Alex's fault and definitely not Jack's. Jack was innocent in this case; it was all on Alex.

  
And Alex didn't think that buying a beautiful dress would fix this. 

* * *

Jack knew that it had been _exactly_ a year since Alex had broken up with him, and he hated that he knew that. He didn't _want_ to know when they'd broken up and that was why he 'celebrated' the day by going out and getting mind-numblingly drunk, so drunk that the bartender cut him off after 1AM. Considering that Jack had been there since roughly 12PM, he'd done a solid thirteen hours of drinking.

He stumbled out of the bar, banging into several tables and having to drunkly apologise to the people sitting at them on his way out, into the cold, crisp air. This had the effect of sobering him up a little, but not by much. The only person on his mind was Alex, even though the drinking was meant to have got rid of the elder man from Jack's mind, at least for a little while.  
  
He was pissed that it hasn't worked, and yelled out loud, swearing colourfully to himself.  
  
"Jack?"  
  
He'd know that voice anywhere; it was Alex's. The man who broke his heart a year ago. But that didn't stop Jack from turning around and staring at the man whom he, despite everything, _still_ loved.  
  
Jack's heart was beating loudly in his chest - he was certain that the man standing in from of him could hear it - as he said, "Alex."  
  
Jack thought that Alex looked kind of...haggard, like he hadn't got much sleep. In a couple of days. The elder man had black bags under his eyes and his actual eyes looked bloodshot.  
  
"How - how are you?" He managed before throwing up on the sidewalk. When he'd finished, he became aware of a palm stroking in soothing circles on his back. Jack shoved Alex away.  
  
"N-no, you're not allowed to do that." Jack said, only slurring on the first word.  
  
"Why not?"  
  
"Because you don't love me!" Jack exclaimed, waving his hands around to emphasis his point.  
  
"Oh," Alex said in a voice that, even to Jack's drunken state, sounded like he'd given up. "Well, I'm sorry for that."  
  
Jack tilted his head to one side, squinting at Alex, "Sorry?"  
  
"Look, this probably isn't the best time to talk about it, cause you're drunk."  
  
"And?" Jack said, still looking at the man he loved.  
  
Alex sighed, Jack's eyes observing the steady rise and fall of his chest, and said, "I doubt you'll remember if I tell you now, so we'll meet tomorrow."  
  
"Ok..."  
  
With that said, Jack watched as Alex walked away, his hips swaying oh so enticingly. Jack licked his lips. Holy fuck, Alex was still hot.  
  
Even if he _did_ look like he needed a few more hours of sleep.  
  
As he stumbled slowly back to his apartment, Jack wondered why Alex looked like he needed more sleep and what he wanted to talk about tomorrow.

* * *

Alex was waiting for Jack at the coffee shop where he'd been told about Josephine. He was nervous - which was stupid really, because he already _knew_ that Jack loved him, so what could go wrong?

_Everything,_ his mind said, just as Jack walked into the coffee shop, looking gorgeous in his black beanie and the skinny jeans that showed off his ass to perfection.  
  
Yeah, Alex had a thing for his best friend. And it had only took rejecting the man to make him realise it. He'd regretted his actions the very next day, but he couldn't do anything about it then. But now, a year later, Alex felt like he could do something. He didn't know what, but _something_ was better than nothing he guessed.  
  
Alex had lost a fair few nights worth of sleep, thinking about how this... _feeling_ (love) had come about. That was why he had prominent black bags around his eyes.  
  
"Alex," Jack said, causing Alex to look upwards as the younger sat down, "What did you want to talk about?"  
  
Alex gulped. Why had he thought this was a good idea? It wasn't, and he just wanted to get out of here.  
  
He stood up so quickly that his chair tipped over with a bang, and walked, almost running, towards the door. When Alex got outside, he began to run, all too (stupidly) eager to get away from Jack. But before he could get far, a hand on him to a stop.  
  
"Alex? What the hell?!" Jack said, shocked that Jack had ran away, "You invite me to talk and then you run away? That doesn't make sense!"  
  
Alex sighed, looking at the ground for a few minutes before answering, "Y-yeah, I know."  
  
"What's this all about Alex?" Jack asked, considerably calmer now.  
  
He looked at Jack and then back at the ground, not wanting to say what was on his mind at that moment in time, but wanting to get it off his chest at the same time. He said, his voice low, "Jack, I - I don't wanna say."  
  
"C'mon Alex," Jack wheedled gently, placing a hand on Alex's shoulder, causing Alex's head to shoot up and him to look Jack in the eye. "Tell me."  
  
"I - I - you'll hate me..."  
  
"I can promise you that I won't, no matter what it is."  
  
Alex pulled at his hair with a hand in frustration, "But you see, that's the point! You will! Especially after all that I've put you through!"  
  
"All that you've put me through?"  
  
"Yes! Telling you that I didn't love you, when I really, really _do._ " Alex said all in one breath. He could only hope now.  
  
"You - you love me?" Jack stuttered.  
  
Alex nodded, "Apparently I didn't know it until I didn't have you as a best friend. But it happened, and you can hate me forever now."  
  
"Why - why would I hate you?"  
  
"Because I was an ass who broke your heart? Does that sound familiar?" Alex quipped, feeling a wetness forming in his eyes. No, he would not cry. Not now, not in front of Jack.  
  
"Yeah it does, but I still love you Alex," Jack said, "And you think that you loving me is going to make me hate you? Well, you've got the wrong end of the stick."  
  
While he'd talked, Jack's free hand had moved to Alex's waist, and with one movement, Jack pulled Alex close. So close that they were standing chest to chest on the sidewalk, and Jack couldn't give a fuck about anyone else because Alex was pressed up against him. He could feel Alex's chest rise and fall as he breathed.  
  
"J-Jack?" Alex said, sounding strangled.  
  
"I love you Alex, and it makes me feel over the moon that you feel the same way," Jack explained, pressing his fingers one by one into Alex's hip, "And I definitely think we should kiss now."  
  
"You do?"  
  
And that was all Alex was able to get out before Jack's mouth way covering his own and wow, he'd forgotten just how _good_ Jack was a kissing and maybe this was all he was wanting. Alex knew it was the best thing to happen to him in a long while.

* * *

One year and six months on from when Alex had told Jack that he didn't love him, and Jack was cuddling Alex as they watched a movie together.

Jack nuzzled his nose into Alex's hair, saying quietly, "I love you."  
  
Alex tilted his head back so he could see Jack as he replied, "Love you too."  
  
Jack smiled and pulled Alex into his arms a little bit more. As they continued to watch the movie, Jack thought that he was incredibly lucky to have found man that accepted both him and Josephine. It was almost unbelievable.


End file.
